“True freedom is having no choice: being so clear on your purpose, so committed to your quest, there is no choice but to propel forward regardless of what may appear to be.”
--James Arthur Ray
Recently, I have had to reach back and think of past experiences where I pushed through difficult times and found success. This was tougher than I thought but I did find some instances where I beat the odds and came out triumphant. However, several of those times, my success was found only because I thought I had no other choice but to be tough. When I think of those times, it almost felt easy to be real, to be strong. People have perceived me as unbreakable in those times. But in my mind, I didn’t have any other option.
MY QUESTION--What happens when you do think you DO have another choice? What happens when instead of pushing through a difficult situation, you believe that you can just choose another option? MY ANSWER--Commitment. Your focus to a purpose must be strong, even “unbreakable.” What an amazing difference it is to view your fears as something that you can’t and WON’T run away from. More often than not, we choose the infamous “flight” syndrome when faced with a difficult problem. This is because it FEELS easier to opt out, to hit the door running. I wonder what we are really running from. When I have played the escape artist to my fears, they have always come back (even stronger usually) to catch me again.
Our running can take shape in a myriad of forms. My personal favorite is blame.
When it feels as though someone else is causing your distress, the choice to “run” seems almost logical. Why would you choose to commit to any kind of relationship if they keep making it difficult? There are your exceptions to the rule which include those toxic and abusive (physical and emotional) individuals who are in too dark of a place to ever fully commit themselves to a relationship.
However, in most basic relationships, your choice in “toughing it out” comes when you try to decipher why it is indeed, so difficult. My belief is it is because they are triggering some insecurity in you. I am a firm believer that any anger or frustration you feel usually is derived from fear. The next time you are angry at someone, ask yourself where the anger comes from. If you dig deep enough, it ALWAYS comes back to you.
One of my personal examples is when I get frustrated at my daughter for moving so slow in the morning. As a three year old, I can see why everything is so interesting to her and why she isn’t that focused when we are trying to get ready in the morning. However, I still get frustrated. When I started to look at that, it isn’t her that I am frustrated with, it is my own insecurities. They include being late to work, guilt for staying up so late the night before and sleeping in, guilt of rushing her, guilt of not being a stay-at-home mom, fear that I won’t have enough time to complete tasks that I need to before we leave, and the list goes…
My point in all of this is that true commitment to a relationship comes from your own confidence. It is not based on what the other person does or does not do. It is not based on their shortcomings or frustrating characteristics. It is based on what fears they trigger in you and whether or not you choose to face them. It is amazing how smoothly a relationship can flow when you believe or CHOOSE to believe that there is no way out. A better way of saying that might be when you choose to see, accept and love, and face the fears within yourself. Everything just falls into place after that. Your reality is what is in your head. It exists nowhere else. Tru
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